Impossible Wish

A man was walking along a California beach when he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it. Out popped a genie.
The genie said, "Okay, okay...you released me from the lamp, blah blah blah blah blah! This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three of them. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while. Finally, he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel! No. Think of another wish."
The man said okay and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'...know how to make them truly happy."
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The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"








(copied from love beats forum)

Woman !!!

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the
woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a
trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant
you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever
you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in
the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also
make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom
women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be
the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the
world. The frog said, "That
will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will
be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because
what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack!"

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!


Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you.
Stop here and continue feeling good!

Male readers: Please scroll down.








































The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're
really smart!
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!





PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes
to show that women never listen!!!






Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the
ladies who have a good sense of humour!

Technology

Simple Tests, Smart Answers

Job/ Leave Applications

Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

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· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

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· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

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· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

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· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

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· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

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· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

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· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

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· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

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· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

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· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.


Which one will you chose?

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What Do Women Want?

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor,but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking."Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's
upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework."Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day!

The Way Children See Things

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy>> before?"

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

One to make u smile

A father n his son went to a store and they passed by an aisle of condoms. So the kid asked, "What's a condom,dad?". So Daddy said,"A condom is used for protection when a man and a woman make love."The kid asked, "Why r there 3 condoms in a pack,dad?" Daddy said," That's for regular people: one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."The kid asked again, "Then, why r there 6 in a pack?" Daddy said, "That's for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday."As his final question, the child asked again," What about 12 in a pack?" Dad said, "Those are for married men: one for January, one for February,..., and last one for December."